What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
08.06.2025 02:37
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
(And it was in our own minds.)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Why do people believe that global warming is man made?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why do men like women gold diggers?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I just cannot wake up early, even if I sleep on time. What should I do?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I think the readers, may guess!
It was going to be , some day.
Why did the UK Supreme Court rule that transgender women are not women?
I have no regrets .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
What are 50 random facts about yourself?
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot live in the past .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Is The Last of Us Part 2 really as woke as people say it is?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Vikings are worried about J.J. McCarthy (if you ignore everything they've said) - The Viking Age
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I said to her
Is it true that all men want a woman who looks like an Instagram “model”?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Who then, do I blame.?
As i do to all so called friends.?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I don,t even have a pension.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But, we were locked up after school.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My life is so biszare .
I’m 17 and looking for a girl. What do I do?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But ive been too sick for many years..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I write beautiful poetry .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was very sick at this time too.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I couldn’t, believe it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We all went to grammer schools
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
All the time i was locked up.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
So whats the point in blame.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She found it foreign!.
My family never makes their pension either.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was seconnd youngest,
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She was in good health!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She married twice! .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He knew the spot.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Would this be the day?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
This is soul school!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
What did i know ?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I will be 64.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
When she asked me how she looked .
So, i spoilt her more .
Especially a lifetime of it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I waited trembling.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im still living with it.
I was scared of men, in general
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She loved him until the end.
We were not on the streets..
Comes on , in middle age.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And i lived it daily.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But it wasn’t much.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Was to survive, this bastard.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was 9 years of age.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I never cut or harmed myself..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Put me off passion for life!!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Ive learnt so much.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He resisted the act ,that day.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.